sleeper
Former LOD President
I got this in an email and thought it was funny. Some of it i find is a little off-base, but still humorous. Enjoy (and don't get mad, it's only a joke):
How to be a good liberal...
1. You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.
2. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach fourth graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.
3. You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese or North Vietnamese communists.
4. You have to believe that there was no art before federal funding.
5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical, documented changes in the earth's climate, and more affected by yuppies driving SUVs.
6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but being homosexual is natural.
7. You have to be against capital punishment but support abortion on demand.
8. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.
9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but loony activists who've never been outside of Seattle do.
10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.
11. You have to believe the National Rifle Association is bad, because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good, because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.
12. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.
13. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, General Robert E. Lee, or Thomas Edison.
14. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides aren't.
15. You have to believe that Hillary Clinton, central figure of Filegate, Travelgate, Whitewater, and assorted other scandals, should someday run for president.
16. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried, is because the right people haven't been in charge.
17. You have to believe conservatives telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar and sex offender can serve two terms in the White House.
18. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites, and bestiality should be constitutionally protected, but manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.
19. You have to believe that illegal Democratic Party funding by the Chinese is somehow in the best interest of the United States.
20. You have to believe Hillary Clinton is really a lady
How to be a good liberal...
1. You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.
2. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach fourth graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.
3. You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese or North Vietnamese communists.
4. You have to believe that there was no art before federal funding.
5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical, documented changes in the earth's climate, and more affected by yuppies driving SUVs.
6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but being homosexual is natural.
7. You have to be against capital punishment but support abortion on demand.
8. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.
9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but loony activists who've never been outside of Seattle do.
10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.
11. You have to believe the National Rifle Association is bad, because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good, because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.
12. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.
13. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, General Robert E. Lee, or Thomas Edison.
14. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides aren't.
15. You have to believe that Hillary Clinton, central figure of Filegate, Travelgate, Whitewater, and assorted other scandals, should someday run for president.
16. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried, is because the right people haven't been in charge.
17. You have to believe conservatives telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar and sex offender can serve two terms in the White House.
18. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites, and bestiality should be constitutionally protected, but manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.
19. You have to believe that illegal Democratic Party funding by the Chinese is somehow in the best interest of the United States.
20. You have to believe Hillary Clinton is really a lady
