Pay special attention to the wording and spelling. If you know
the
> Bible,
> > > even a little, you'll find this hilarious! It comes from a
> Catholic elementary
> > > school test. Kids were asked questions about the Old and New
> Testaments.
> > > The following statements about the Bible were written by
children.
> They
> > > have not been retouched or corrected (I.e., incorrect
spelling has
> been
> > > left in).
> > >
> > > Subject: Childrens' interpretation of the bible ... enjoy !
> > >
> > > 1. In the first book of the bible, Guinessis, God got tired
of
> creating
> > > the world, so he took the Sabbath off.
> > >
> > > 2. Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife
was
> called Joan of Ark. Noah built an
> ark, which the animals come on to in pears.
> > >
> > > 3. Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire
by
> night.
> > >
> > > 4. The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they
had
> trouble with the unsympathetic
> Genitals.
> > >
> > > 5. Samson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a
> Jezebel like Delilah.
> > >
> > > 6. Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the
Apostles.
> > >
> > > 7. Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made
> unleavened bread which is bread without any
> ingredients.
> > >
> > > 8. The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards,
> Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get
> the ten amendments.
> > >
> > > 9. The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the
apple.
> > >
> > > 10. The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.
> > >
> > > 11. Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led
the
> Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.
> > >
> > > 12. The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his
son
> to
> > > stand still and he obeyed him.
> > >
> > > 13. David was a hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He
fought
> the
> > > Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.
> > >
> > > 14. Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700
porcupines
>
> > >
> > > 15. When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she
sang the
> Magna Carta.
> > >
> > > 16. When the three wise guys from the east side arrived, they
> found Jesus in the manager.
> > >
> > > 17. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate
contraption.
> > >
> > > 18. St. John the blacksmith dumped water on his head.
> > >
> > > 19. Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to
> others
> > > before they do one to you. He also explained, a man doth not
live
> by sweat alone.
> > >
> > > 20. It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and
managed to
> get the tombstone off the entrance.
> > >
> > > 21. The people who followed the lord were called the 12
decibels.
> > >
> > > 22. The epistles were the wives of the apostles.
> > >
> > > 23. One of the oppossums was St. Matthew who was also a
taximan.
> > >
> > > 24. St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy
acrimony,
> which
> > > is another name for marriage.
> > >
> > > 25. Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony.
> > >
> > > AMEN!
the
> Bible,
> > > even a little, you'll find this hilarious! It comes from a
> Catholic elementary
> > > school test. Kids were asked questions about the Old and New
> Testaments.
> > > The following statements about the Bible were written by
children.
> They
> > > have not been retouched or corrected (I.e., incorrect
spelling has
> been
> > > left in).
> > >
> > > Subject: Childrens' interpretation of the bible ... enjoy !
> > >
> > > 1. In the first book of the bible, Guinessis, God got tired
of
> creating
> > > the world, so he took the Sabbath off.
> > >
> > > 2. Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife
was
> called Joan of Ark. Noah built an
> ark, which the animals come on to in pears.
> > >
> > > 3. Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire
by
> night.
> > >
> > > 4. The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they
had
> trouble with the unsympathetic
> Genitals.
> > >
> > > 5. Samson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a
> Jezebel like Delilah.
> > >
> > > 6. Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the
Apostles.
> > >
> > > 7. Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made
> unleavened bread which is bread without any
> ingredients.
> > >
> > > 8. The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards,
> Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get
> the ten amendments.
> > >
> > > 9. The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the
apple.
> > >
> > > 10. The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.
> > >
> > > 11. Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led
the
> Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.
> > >
> > > 12. The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his
son
> to
> > > stand still and he obeyed him.
> > >
> > > 13. David was a hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He
fought
> the
> > > Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.
> > >
> > > 14. Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700
porcupines
>
> > >
> > > 15. When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she
sang the
> Magna Carta.
> > >
> > > 16. When the three wise guys from the east side arrived, they
> found Jesus in the manager.
> > >
> > > 17. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate
contraption.
> > >
> > > 18. St. John the blacksmith dumped water on his head.
> > >
> > > 19. Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to
> others
> > > before they do one to you. He also explained, a man doth not
live
> by sweat alone.
> > >
> > > 20. It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and
managed to
> get the tombstone off the entrance.
> > >
> > > 21. The people who followed the lord were called the 12
decibels.
> > >
> > > 22. The epistles were the wives of the apostles.
> > >
> > > 23. One of the oppossums was St. Matthew who was also a
taximan.
> > >
> > > 24. St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy
acrimony,
> which
> > > is another name for marriage.
> > >
> > > 25. Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony.
> > >
> > > AMEN!
