BadSax
enjoys 3 martini lunches
So I thought I would share my day with the rest of you, because it deserves to be shared...
I went skiing today, for the first time ever...
for those of you who know me... yes, I am just as shocked as you are...
I don't like the cold, and I am not really particularly fond of being outside in general, and when you combine the two... forget it...
But there I was, in the cold, and outside...
At this point it is probably worth mentioning that I did in fact live in the northern regions of NH for 5 years... and while I was there I NEVER WENT SKIING... I drove cars across plenty of frozen lakes (car skiing)... but never skied (people skiing).
So I take a group lesson with a bunch of people I don't know of varying ages and during the lesson I can't help but notice kids who have to be between 4 and 6 years old whizzing by like they clearly came out of the womb with skis on...
After about 90 minutes the lesson ends and I'm feeling pretty good. I haven't fallen yet, I've made it to the bottom of the "bunny hill"... little kids are no longer making fun of me... and I get to master the ski lift.
If you haven't been on a ski lift, getting on the thing is, as it turns out, the easy part... as long as you are standing in front of it, you really can't help but sit down as it smacks you in the back of the knees and scoops you up. As it turns out, it's getting the hell off of the thing that can be problematic... but more on that later...
So, I do several runs in the beginner area. Still without falling, and while I feel at points completely out of control, according to my so called friends, I'm looking really good...
So good... yes "so good"... that for my 4th ski run ever... I'm talked into actually going up the mountain to a 'real' trail... Which of course I do... what could possible go wrong... It's also probably worth saying that surprisingly I was not drunk yet. I got drunk later, but not while skiing. So off I go on the ski lift to the real trail, up and up and up and up... up enough that while it wasn't warm where I had been, it's down right become really cold now... The ski lift ride is so long that I have plenty of time to chat about such things as why the life sometimes stops? If you didn't know the answer to that, you could have been me... as it turns out, sometimes people fall getting off the lift.
Of course as we got off the lift at the top of the mountain, I was that person... and yes they stopped the lift...
Some might say a foretelling moment... and in retrospect I would have been one of those people, but I figured, hey I've got to fall sometime... Well, I fell plenty more times... more times then I could count. I did the full flat spin multiple helicopter fall... the yard sale fall, (when skis and polls just shoot out everywhere) the slide on my back, slide on my side, slide while rolling... without actually face planting... I fell in every conceivable way you can think... I did however get back on those god awful skis and try again. And again, and again... at one point I fell with such speed that after the relief of falling and no longer being out of control on skis, I then had time to think to myself... "I really need to figure out how to stop sliding"... I slid for such a long time that I finally halted of at the feet of a group of snowboarders who must have watched the entire event, and I had nothing else to say other then "hey... how's it going?" while still on my back...
I did make it down to the bottom of the mountain... on my skis... and shortly after, I returned my equipment and got good and drunk...
When I arrived back at the hotel about an hour later and I was pulling off my wet everything (it doesn't matter what you wear when you fall like I did, snow gets everywhere) in that process I took my wallet out of my pants pocket that was covered with my snow pants and there was snow in my wallet...
So, I'll be back skiing tomorrow... if I survive, I'm not sure I'll ski again after this weekend, but since I'm up here, might as well go for it...
Wish me luck, or something...
Skiing is Satan's method of transportation over snow... God clearly uses a snowmobile...
-J
I went skiing today, for the first time ever...
for those of you who know me... yes, I am just as shocked as you are...
I don't like the cold, and I am not really particularly fond of being outside in general, and when you combine the two... forget it...
But there I was, in the cold, and outside...
At this point it is probably worth mentioning that I did in fact live in the northern regions of NH for 5 years... and while I was there I NEVER WENT SKIING... I drove cars across plenty of frozen lakes (car skiing)... but never skied (people skiing).
So I take a group lesson with a bunch of people I don't know of varying ages and during the lesson I can't help but notice kids who have to be between 4 and 6 years old whizzing by like they clearly came out of the womb with skis on...
After about 90 minutes the lesson ends and I'm feeling pretty good. I haven't fallen yet, I've made it to the bottom of the "bunny hill"... little kids are no longer making fun of me... and I get to master the ski lift.
If you haven't been on a ski lift, getting on the thing is, as it turns out, the easy part... as long as you are standing in front of it, you really can't help but sit down as it smacks you in the back of the knees and scoops you up. As it turns out, it's getting the hell off of the thing that can be problematic... but more on that later...
So, I do several runs in the beginner area. Still without falling, and while I feel at points completely out of control, according to my so called friends, I'm looking really good...
So good... yes "so good"... that for my 4th ski run ever... I'm talked into actually going up the mountain to a 'real' trail... Which of course I do... what could possible go wrong... It's also probably worth saying that surprisingly I was not drunk yet. I got drunk later, but not while skiing. So off I go on the ski lift to the real trail, up and up and up and up... up enough that while it wasn't warm where I had been, it's down right become really cold now... The ski lift ride is so long that I have plenty of time to chat about such things as why the life sometimes stops? If you didn't know the answer to that, you could have been me... as it turns out, sometimes people fall getting off the lift.
Of course as we got off the lift at the top of the mountain, I was that person... and yes they stopped the lift...
Some might say a foretelling moment... and in retrospect I would have been one of those people, but I figured, hey I've got to fall sometime... Well, I fell plenty more times... more times then I could count. I did the full flat spin multiple helicopter fall... the yard sale fall, (when skis and polls just shoot out everywhere) the slide on my back, slide on my side, slide while rolling... without actually face planting... I fell in every conceivable way you can think... I did however get back on those god awful skis and try again. And again, and again... at one point I fell with such speed that after the relief of falling and no longer being out of control on skis, I then had time to think to myself... "I really need to figure out how to stop sliding"... I slid for such a long time that I finally halted of at the feet of a group of snowboarders who must have watched the entire event, and I had nothing else to say other then "hey... how's it going?" while still on my back...
I did make it down to the bottom of the mountain... on my skis... and shortly after, I returned my equipment and got good and drunk...
When I arrived back at the hotel about an hour later and I was pulling off my wet everything (it doesn't matter what you wear when you fall like I did, snow gets everywhere) in that process I took my wallet out of my pants pocket that was covered with my snow pants and there was snow in my wallet...
So, I'll be back skiing tomorrow... if I survive, I'm not sure I'll ski again after this weekend, but since I'm up here, might as well go for it...
Wish me luck, or something...
Skiing is Satan's method of transportation over snow... God clearly uses a snowmobile...
-J
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