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  • Funny

    I am originally from Chicago and many of my friend's still live there. Boy did I laugh my butt off when I got this. It is sooooo true.



    TIP'S FOR NON NATIVES VISITING CHICAGO

    First you must learn to pronounce the city name. It is Chi-ca-go, or Cha-ca-ga depending on if you live north or South of Roosevelt Rd.

    Next, if your road map is more than a few weeks old, throw it out and buy new one. If in Naperville and your map is one day old, then it is already obsolete.

    Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Chicago has its own version of traffic rules... "Hold on and pray." There is no such thing as a dangerous high-speed chase in Chicago. We all drive like that.

    All directions start with, "I-94" ... which has no beginning and no end.

    The morning rush hour is from 6 to 10. The evening rush hour is from 2 to 7. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.

    If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out and possibly shot. When you are the first one on the starting line, count to five when the light turns green before going to avoid crashing with all the drivers running the red light in cross-traffic.

    Construction on Northwest Tollway is a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment. We had sooooo much fun with that we have added Elgin, O'Hare and the I-355 to the mix.

    All unexplained sights are explained by the phrase, "Oh, we're in Cicero!"

    If someone actually has their turn signal on, it is probably a factory defect.

    Car horns are actually "Road Rage" indicators.

    All old ladies with blue hair in Mercedes have the right of way. Period.

    First Ave, LaGrange Rd, NW Highway, all mysteriously change names as you cross intersections (these are only a FEW examples).

    If asking directions in Cicero you must have knowledge of Spanish. If in Bridgeport, Mandarin Chinese will be your best bet.

    If you stop to ask directions on the West or South side you better be armed.

    A trip across town (east to west) will take a minimum of four hours, although many north/south freeways have unposted minimum speeds of 75. The minimum acceptable speed on the Dan Ryan is 85. Anything less is considered downright sissy.

    The wrought iron on windows near Englewood and Austin is not ornamental.

    The Congress expressway (Ike) is our daily version of NASCAR.

    The Dan Ryan is called "The Death Trap" for two reasons: "death" and "trap."

    If it's 100 degrees, It's Taste of Chicago.

    If it's 10 degrees and sleeting/snowing, It's opening day at Comisky Park.

    If it's rained 6 inches in the last hour, the Western open Golf Classic is in the second round.

    If you go to the Wrigley Field pay the $25.00 to park "Cubs Lot." Parking elsewhere could cost up to $2500 for damages, towing fees, parking tickets, etc. If some guy with a flag tries to get you to park in his yard, run over him.

    Chicago, there's no place like it!

    You might be from Illinois if....

    * You don't pronounce the "s" at the end of Illinois.

    * You become irate at people who do.

    * You measure distance in minutes. (SO?)

    * You have no problem spelling or pronouncing "Des >Plaines," (You got it!)

    * Your school classes were canceled because of the cold.

    * Your school classes were canceled because of the heat.

    * You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.

    * Stores don't have sacks, they have bags. (DUH!)

    * You end your sentences with an unnecessary preposition. Example: Where's my coat at?" or "If you go to the mall I wanna go with," (is there something wrong with this)?

    * You can locate Illinois on the United States map.

    * Your idea of a great tenderloin is when the meat is twice as big as the bun and accompanied only by ketchup and a dill pickle slice. (YEAH!)

    * When asked how your trip was to any foreign, exotic place, you say "It was different."

    * You carry jumper cables in your car.

    * You drink "pop." (Exactly)

    * You realize that I-290, I-90, I-94, and I-294 are all different roads.

    * You refer to any interstate highway as "the Tollway."

    * You know the names of the intestates: Stevenson, Kennedy, Eisenhower, Dan Ryan.

    * You refer to anything South of I-80 as "Southern Illinois."

    * You refer to Lake Michigan as "The Lake."

    * You refer to Chicago as "The City."

    * No matter where you are, when you hear the term "Downtown" you immediately assume they're talking about Downtown Chicago.

    * You have two favorite football teams: The Bears, and anyone who beats the Packers.

    * You buy "The Trib."

    * You know what goes on a Chicago Style Hot Dog.

    * You know what Chicago Style Pizza REALLY is.

    * You know why they call Chicago "The Windy City."

    * You understand what "lake-effect" means.

    * You know the difference between Amtrak and Metra, and know which station they end up at.

    * You have ridden the "L."

    * You can distinguish between the following area codes: 847, 630, 773, 708, 312, &815.

    * You know what the phone number is to Empire Carpet. (588-2300 E M P I R E!!)







  • #2
    RE: Funny

    ROFL! How true!

    Especially the street name thing - I have to figure out which side of 294 people live at to figure out what names the streets are.
    Sharon
    98 VIII
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    • #3
      RE: Funny

      So true except the Western was delayed in tody's round this year.

      They forgot Pulaski Road/Crawford Av. Same street but different name depending on if it's a Polish neighborhood or not. :-)

      If I remember, it's Cumberland, Pueblo, Thatcher & First Av.

      OK, what's the answer to this one? "You know why they call Chicago "The Windy City".

      http://members.tccoa.com/lastmrk/Images/lastmrk2.jpg
      If you don't know where you are going, you might wind up someplace else. - Yogi Berra

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      • #4
        RE: Funny

        OK, what's the answer to this one? "You know why they call Chicago "The Windy City".
        I do, but I'll let someone who's not from here take a shot at it.

        Sharon
        98 VIII
        sigpic

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        • #5
          RE: Funny

          Some of those are Chicago specific, not necessarily IL. When you ask someone from Chicago where they're from, they say Chicago. The rest of us say IL. Good list though. I laughed out loud at alot of them, especially Empire carpet. I won't get that tune out of my head for at least a week now.

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          • #6
            RE: Funny

            You know, I've never known anyone who bough carpeting from Empire.
            Sharon
            98 VIII
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            • #7
              RE: Funny

              ooh, ooh, I know, I know. Becouse of the swift manor business were moving in and out of the city. It was so cool the other day. I was watching T.V. and an empire carpet commercial came on. I thought to myself " I did'nt know I was watching W.G.N.". I looked and found that I wasnt. They now have the same exact commercial but they start out with 888-588-2300. They have gone national. It brought back great memories.

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              • #8
                RE: Funny

                OK, what's the answer to this one? "You know why they call Chicago "The Windy City".
                I do, but I'll let someone who's not from here take a shot at it.
                Probably the same reason the wind is always blowing in Wyoming.
                JP

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                • #9
                  RE: Funny

                  Its becasue of how much the politicians (and I asusme the citizens form the few I know!) like to TALK! Its' not becasue of the winds off the lake, even though I hear the can be pretty strong.

                  DavidC


                  94 Mark VIII, Black / Black

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                  • #10
                    RE: Funny

                    Good stuff!
                    2016 Corvette Z06 - (650/700WHP on E85)
                    2016 Ford Explorer
                    2006 Toyota 4Runner
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                    • #11
                      RE: Funny

                      Yep David got it. It's the long winded politicians that gave Chicago It's nickname.

                      http://members.tccoa.com/lastmrk/Images/lastmrk2.jpg
                      If you don't know where you are going, you might wind up someplace else. - Yogi Berra

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                      • #12
                        RE: Funny

                        Long winded politicains? Never heard that one. Where did you learn that from,

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                        • #13
                          RE: Funny


                          An early "mentor" (for lack of better term), was a born-and-raised there, and I believe he is where I heard it from.

                          94 Mark VIII, Black / Black

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