Dear Dad
- Thread starter mrrobertstv
- Start date
RE: "Living A Long Healthy Life"
RE: "Living A Long Healthy Life"
[div class="dcquote"][strong]Quote[/strong]
So when will you guys actually post something funny?
[/div]Well there was a stipulation Trixie. They had to be clean. x(
http://members.tccoa.com/lastmrk/Images/lastmrk2.jpg
RE: "Living A Long Healthy Life"
[div class="dcquote"][strong]Quote[/strong]
So when will you guys actually post something funny?
[/div]Well there was a stipulation Trixie. They had to be clean. x(
http://members.tccoa.com/lastmrk/Images/lastmrk2.jpg
RE: "Living A Long Healthy Life"
RE: "Living A Long Healthy Life"
[div class="dcquote"][strong]Quote[/strong]
[div class="dcquote"][strong]Quote[/strong]So when will you guys actually post something funny? [/div]Well there was a stipulation Trixie. They had to be clean. x( http://members.tccoa.com/lastmrk/Images/lastmrk2.jpg
[/div]
ROFL! :7
RE: "Living A Long Healthy Life"
[div class="dcquote"][strong]Quote[/strong]
[div class="dcquote"][strong]Quote[/strong]So when will you guys actually post something funny?
[/div]Well there was a stipulation Trixie. They had to be clean. x( http://members.tccoa.com/lastmrk/Images/lastmrk2.jpg[/div]
ROFL! :7
mrrobertstv
Registered
RE: "Living A Long Healthy Life"
RE: "Living A Long Healthy Life"
Once there was a millionaire, who collected live alligators. He kept them in the pool in back of his mansion. The millionaire also had a beautiful daughter who was single. One day he decides to throw a huge party, and during the party he announces, "My dear guests...I have a proposition to every man here. I will give one million dollars or my daughter to the man who can swim across this pool full of alligators and emerge unharmed!"
As soon as he finished his last word, there was the sound of a large SPLASH!! There was one guy in the pool swimming with all he could...the crowd cheered him on as he kept stroking. Finally, he made it to the other side unharmed. The millionaire was impressed.
He said, "My boy that was incredible! Fantastic! I didn't think it could be done! Well I must keep my end of the bargain...which do you want, my daughter or the one million dollars?"
The guy says, "Listen, I don't want your money! And I don't want your daughter! I want the person who pushed me in that WATER!!!
Stanley E. Roberts
President/Founder
http://www.GoldenGateMark8.com
http://www.We8there.com
RE: "Living A Long Healthy Life"
Once there was a millionaire, who collected live alligators. He kept them in the pool in back of his mansion. The millionaire also had a beautiful daughter who was single. One day he decides to throw a huge party, and during the party he announces, "My dear guests...I have a proposition to every man here. I will give one million dollars or my daughter to the man who can swim across this pool full of alligators and emerge unharmed!"
As soon as he finished his last word, there was the sound of a large SPLASH!! There was one guy in the pool swimming with all he could...the crowd cheered him on as he kept stroking. Finally, he made it to the other side unharmed. The millionaire was impressed.
He said, "My boy that was incredible! Fantastic! I didn't think it could be done! Well I must keep my end of the bargain...which do you want, my daughter or the one million dollars?"
The guy says, "Listen, I don't want your money! And I don't want your daughter! I want the person who pushed me in that WATER!!!
Stanley E. Roberts
President/Founder
http://www.GoldenGateMark8.com
http://www.We8there.com
mrrobertstv
Registered
RE: "Living A Long Healthy Life"
RE: "Living A Long Healthy Life"
[div class="dcquote"][strong]Quote[/strong]
boring is that all you got ::roll::
[/div]
A Cowboy said to a Rancher, "Is that your dog?" The Rancher replied, "Yup." "Mind if I talk to him?" "Durn fool, don't you know dogs don't talk?" The Cowboy replied, "So what's the harm? May I?" "Go right ahead." The Cowboy said to the dog, "Howdy!" The dog replied, "Hello." The Rancher's eyes pop wide. The Cowboy continued, "Is this your master?" "Yep, he sure is." "Does he treat you alright?" "Sure does. Every day he takes me for a walk, he feeds me all kinds of great food, and once a week he takes me to the lake to play." Rancher was dumbfounded. The Cowboy said to the Rancher, "Is that your horse over there?" "Yes." "Do you mind if I talk to him?" The Rancher replied, "I know the dog spoke to you, but I know for a fact that horses can't talk." "Well, then what would it hurt?" "Go right ahead." The Cowboy said to the horse, "Hello." The Horse replied, "Hello." The Rancher stood there with his jaw wide open. The Cowboy asked, "Is that your owner?" "Yup, sure is." "He treat you okay?" "Sure, he rides me every day, brushes me down at the end of the day, and he keeps me in the barn away from the elements." "Sounds good." The Cowboy then asked the Rancher, "Are those your sheep over there?" The Rancher is horrified and stammers, "Them sheep out there, they're nothing but a bunch of liars!"
"CHECKMATE" http://artie.com/99gif/arg-catlaffs.gif
Stanley E. Roberts
President/Founder
http://www.GoldenGateMark8.com
http://www.We8there.com
RE: "Living A Long Healthy Life"
[div class="dcquote"][strong]Quote[/strong]
boring is that all you got ::roll::
[/div]
A Cowboy said to a Rancher, "Is that your dog?" The Rancher replied, "Yup." "Mind if I talk to him?" "Durn fool, don't you know dogs don't talk?" The Cowboy replied, "So what's the harm? May I?" "Go right ahead." The Cowboy said to the dog, "Howdy!" The dog replied, "Hello." The Rancher's eyes pop wide. The Cowboy continued, "Is this your master?" "Yep, he sure is." "Does he treat you alright?" "Sure does. Every day he takes me for a walk, he feeds me all kinds of great food, and once a week he takes me to the lake to play." Rancher was dumbfounded. The Cowboy said to the Rancher, "Is that your horse over there?" "Yes." "Do you mind if I talk to him?" The Rancher replied, "I know the dog spoke to you, but I know for a fact that horses can't talk." "Well, then what would it hurt?" "Go right ahead." The Cowboy said to the horse, "Hello." The Horse replied, "Hello." The Rancher stood there with his jaw wide open. The Cowboy asked, "Is that your owner?" "Yup, sure is." "He treat you okay?" "Sure, he rides me every day, brushes me down at the end of the day, and he keeps me in the barn away from the elements." "Sounds good." The Cowboy then asked the Rancher, "Are those your sheep over there?" The Rancher is horrified and stammers, "Them sheep out there, they're nothing but a bunch of liars!"
"CHECKMATE" http://artie.com/99gif/arg-catlaffs.gif
Stanley E. Roberts
President/Founder
http://www.GoldenGateMark8.com
http://www.We8there.com
RE: "Living A Long Healthy Life"
RE: "Living A Long Healthy Life"
An elderly priest invited a young priest over for dinner. During the meal, the young priest couldn't help noticing how attractive and shapely the housekeeper was.
Over the course of the evening he started to wonder if there was more between the elderly priest and the housekeeper than met the eye.
Reading the young priest's thoughts, the elderly priest volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, my relationship with my housekeeper is purely professional.
About a week later the housekeeper came to the elderly priest and said, "Father, ever since the young Father came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose he took it do you?"
The priest said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write him a letter just to be sure." So he sat down and wrote:
"Dear Father, I'm not saying that you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'did not' take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here."
Several days later the elderly priest received a letter from the young priest which read:
"Dear Father, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with your housekeeper, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with your housekeeper. But the fact remains that if you were sleeping in your own bed, you would have found the gravy ladle by now."
http://members.tccoa.com/lastmrk/Images/lastmrk2.jpg
RE: "Living A Long Healthy Life"
An elderly priest invited a young priest over for dinner. During the meal, the young priest couldn't help noticing how attractive and shapely the housekeeper was.
Over the course of the evening he started to wonder if there was more between the elderly priest and the housekeeper than met the eye.
Reading the young priest's thoughts, the elderly priest volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, my relationship with my housekeeper is purely professional.
About a week later the housekeeper came to the elderly priest and said, "Father, ever since the young Father came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose he took it do you?"
The priest said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write him a letter just to be sure." So he sat down and wrote:
"Dear Father, I'm not saying that you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'did not' take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here."
Several days later the elderly priest received a letter from the young priest which read:
"Dear Father, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with your housekeeper, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with your housekeeper. But the fact remains that if you were sleeping in your own bed, you would have found the gravy ladle by now."
http://members.tccoa.com/lastmrk/Images/lastmrk2.jpg
mrrobertstv
Registered
RE: "Living A Long Healthy Life"
RE: "Living A Long Healthy Life"
[div class="dcquote"][strong]Quote[/strong]
Now that one, Paul, was funny! :+
[/div]
So I see picking sides are we?
Stanley E. Roberts
President/Founder
http://www.GoldenGateMark8.com
http://www.We8there.com
RE: "Living A Long Healthy Life"
[div class="dcquote"][strong]Quote[/strong]
Now that one, Paul, was funny! :+
[/div]
So I see picking sides are we?
Stanley E. Roberts
President/Founder
http://www.GoldenGateMark8.com
http://www.We8there.com
RE: "Living A Long Healthy Life"
RE: "Living A Long Healthy Life"
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby, was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, and then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman."
RE: "Living A Long Healthy Life"
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby, was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, and then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman."
RE: "Living A Long Healthy Life"
RE: "Living A Long Healthy Life"
An elderly man in Florida had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back, fixed up nicely with picnic tables,
horseshoe courts, some orange and loquat trees. The pond was properly
shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for awhile, and look it over. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence, and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!" The old man frowned. "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond."
Holding the bucket up he said, "I'm here to feed the alligator."
Moral: Old men can still think fast.
RE: "Living A Long Healthy Life"
An elderly man in Florida had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back, fixed up nicely with picnic tables,
horseshoe courts, some orange and loquat trees. The pond was properly
shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for awhile, and look it over. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence, and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!" The old man frowned. "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond."
Holding the bucket up he said, "I'm here to feed the alligator."
Moral: Old men can still think fast.
97benchmark
Registered
RE: "Living A Long Healthy Life"
RE: "Living A Long Healthy Life"
As cinderella was getting ready for the masquerade ball her fairy god mother warned her that she HAD to be back by midnight. If not her privates would turn into a pumpkin. Well, at the ball she met a handsome young man and danced the night away. Suddenly the clock struck midnight. As she turned to run, she asked his name so she could see him again. His reply: I'm peter peter pumpkin eater. She said "oh, what the h___".
Hope this is clean enough
RE: "Living A Long Healthy Life"
As cinderella was getting ready for the masquerade ball her fairy god mother warned her that she HAD to be back by midnight. If not her privates would turn into a pumpkin. Well, at the ball she met a handsome young man and danced the night away. Suddenly the clock struck midnight. As she turned to run, she asked his name so she could see him again. His reply: I'm peter peter pumpkin eater. She said "oh, what the h___".
Hope this is clean enough
RE: "Living A Long Healthy Life"
RE: "Living A Long Healthy Life"
The Jones's were unable to conceive children, and elected to use a surrogate father to start their family.
On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Jones kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be here soon."
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good morning madam. I've come to..."
"Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Jones cut in.
"Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good! I've made a specialty of babies."
"That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat." After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"
"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is fun too; you can really spread out!"
"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and me."
"Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."
"My, that's a lot of. . . " gasped Mrs. Jones.
"Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm sure."
"Don't I know it," Mrs. Jones said quietly.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus in the middle of London."
"Oh my God!!" Mrs. Jones exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief.
"And these twins turned out exceptionally well when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with."
"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Jones.
"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to Hyde Park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get a good look."
"Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Jones, eyes widened in amazement.
"Yes", the photographer said. "And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate. Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in."
Mrs. Jones leaned forward. "You mean they actually chewed on your...equipment?"
"That's right. Well, madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so that we can get to work."
"Tripod?"
"Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big for me to hold, very long you see."
"Madam? Madam?... Good Lord, she's fainted!"
RE: "Living A Long Healthy Life"
The Jones's were unable to conceive children, and elected to use a surrogate father to start their family.
On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Jones kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be here soon."
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good morning madam. I've come to..."
"Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Jones cut in.
"Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good! I've made a specialty of babies."
"That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat." After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"
"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is fun too; you can really spread out!"
"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and me."
"Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."
"My, that's a lot of. . . " gasped Mrs. Jones.
"Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm sure."
"Don't I know it," Mrs. Jones said quietly.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus in the middle of London."
"Oh my God!!" Mrs. Jones exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief.
"And these twins turned out exceptionally well when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with."
"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Jones.
"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to Hyde Park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get a good look."
"Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Jones, eyes widened in amazement.
"Yes", the photographer said. "And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate. Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in."
Mrs. Jones leaned forward. "You mean they actually chewed on your...equipment?"
"That's right. Well, madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so that we can get to work."
"Tripod?"
"Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big for me to hold, very long you see."
"Madam? Madam?... Good Lord, she's fainted!"
Dem darn Swedes
Dem darn Swedes
Two Swedish hunters from Minnesota hired a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose. They bagged six. As they started loading the plane for the return trip, the pilot said the plane could only take four moose. The two men objected strongly "last year we shot six and the pilot let us put them all on board, he had the same type of plane as yours"
Reluctantly the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. However even on full power the little plane couldn't handle the load and went down moments after lift off.
Climbing out of the wreck one Swede asked the other "any idea var in da heck ve are?"
"Yaaah, I tink ve's purty close to vhare ve crashed last year."
http://members.tccoa.com/lastmrk/Images/lastmrk3.jpg
Dem darn Swedes
Two Swedish hunters from Minnesota hired a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose. They bagged six. As they started loading the plane for the return trip, the pilot said the plane could only take four moose. The two men objected strongly "last year we shot six and the pilot let us put them all on board, he had the same type of plane as yours"
Reluctantly the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. However even on full power the little plane couldn't handle the load and went down moments after lift off.
Climbing out of the wreck one Swede asked the other "any idea var in da heck ve are?"
"Yaaah, I tink ve's purty close to vhare ve crashed last year."
http://members.tccoa.com/lastmrk/Images/lastmrk3.jpg
RE: Dear Dad
Toward the end of the service, the priest asked, "How many of you have
forgiven your enemies?"
80% held up their hands. The priest then repeated his question. All
responded this time, except one small elderly lady. "Mrs. Jones? Are you
not willing to forgive your enemies?"
"I don't have any." She replied, smiling sweetly.
"Mrs. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?"
"Ninety-eight," she replied.
"Oh, Mrs. Jones, would you please come down in front & tell us all how a
person can live ninety-eight years & not have an enemy in the world?"
The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, faced the
congregation, and said: "I outlived the bitches."
Toward the end of the service, the priest asked, "How many of you have
forgiven your enemies?"
80% held up their hands. The priest then repeated his question. All
responded this time, except one small elderly lady. "Mrs. Jones? Are you
not willing to forgive your enemies?"
"I don't have any." She replied, smiling sweetly.
"Mrs. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?"
"Ninety-eight," she replied.
"Oh, Mrs. Jones, would you please come down in front & tell us all how a
person can live ninety-eight years & not have an enemy in the world?"
The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, faced the
congregation, and said: "I outlived the bitches."
RE: Dear Dad
Three women die together in an accident
and go to heaven.
When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in
heaven: don't step on the ducks!"
So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the
place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they
try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.
Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw.
St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping
on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!"
The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck and along
comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely
ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the
first woman.
The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for
all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps.
She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St.
Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes
on ... very tall, long eyelashes, muscular, and thin.
St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.
The happy woman says, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to
you for all of eternity?"
The guy says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!"
Three women die together in an accident
and go to heaven.
When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in
heaven: don't step on the ducks!"
So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the
place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they
try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.
Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw.
St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping
on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!"
The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck and along
comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely
ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the
first woman.
The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for
all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps.
She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St.
Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes
on ... very tall, long eyelashes, muscular, and thin.
St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.
The happy woman says, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to
you for all of eternity?"
The guy says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!"
RE: Dear Dad
Not a joke , but still funny.
E X T R A E X T R A R E A D A L L A B O U T I T
HEADLINES IN THE NEWS!
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says (no, really?)
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers (now that's taking things a bit far!)
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over (what a guy!)
Miners Refuse to Work after Death (no-good-for-nothin' lazy so-and-sos!)
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant (see if that works any better than a fair trial!)
War Dims Hope for Peace (I can see where it might have that effect!)
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile (you think?!)
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures (who would have thought!)
Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide (they may be on to something!)
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges (you mean there's something stronger than duct tape?!)
Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge (he probably IS the battery charge!)
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group (weren't they fat enough?!)
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft (That's what he gets for eating those beans!)
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks (Taste like chicken?)
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half (Chainsaw Massacre all over again!)
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors (Boy, are they tall!)
And the winner is....
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead (Did I read that sign right? )
http://members.tccoa.com/lastmrk/Images/lastmrk3.jpg
Not a joke , but still funny.
E X T R A E X T R A R E A D A L L A B O U T I T
HEADLINES IN THE NEWS!
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says (no, really?)
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers (now that's taking things a bit far!)
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over (what a guy!)
Miners Refuse to Work after Death (no-good-for-nothin' lazy so-and-sos!)
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant (see if that works any better than a fair trial!)
War Dims Hope for Peace (I can see where it might have that effect!)
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile (you think?!)
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures (who would have thought!)
Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide (they may be on to something!)
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges (you mean there's something stronger than duct tape?!)
Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge (he probably IS the battery charge!)
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group (weren't they fat enough?!)
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft (That's what he gets for eating those beans!)
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks (Taste like chicken?)
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half (Chainsaw Massacre all over again!)
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors (Boy, are they tall!)
And the winner is....
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead (Did I read that sign right? )
http://members.tccoa.com/lastmrk/Images/lastmrk3.jpg
RE: Dear Dad
I'm on a roll.
Guy walks into his living room carrying a very well groomed fluffy white sheep under his arm and says, "This is the pig that I sleep with when you're not around."
His wife, sitting on the sofa, says, "thats a sheep, not a pig you stupid idiot."
He responds, "shut up! I wasnt talking to you."
http://members.tccoa.com/lastmrk/Images/lastmrk3.jpg
I'm on a roll.
Guy walks into his living room carrying a very well groomed fluffy white sheep under his arm and says, "This is the pig that I sleep with when you're not around."
His wife, sitting on the sofa, says, "thats a sheep, not a pig you stupid idiot."
He responds, "shut up! I wasnt talking to you."
http://members.tccoa.com/lastmrk/Images/lastmrk3.jpg
RE: Dear Dad
.::nono::
Three NFL fans were set to face a firing squad in a small Central
>American country.
>
>The first one, a Packer fan, was placed against the wall and just
>before the order was given he yelled out, "Earthquake!" The firing
>squad fell into a panic and the Packer fan jumped over the wall and
>escaped in the confusion.
>
>The second person, a Bears fan, was placed against The wall. The
>squad was reassembled and the Bear fan pondered what he had just
>witnessed. Again before the order was given, the Bear fan yelled
>out, "Tornado!" Again the squad fell apart and the Bear fan slipped
over
>the wall.
>
>The last person, a Viking fan, was placed against the wall. He was
>thinking, "I see the pattern here, just scream out something about
> a disaster and hop over the wall." He confidently refused the
>blindfold as the firing squad was reassembled. As the rifles were
>raised in his direction he grinned from ear to ear and yelled,
>"Fire!"
.::nono::
Three NFL fans were set to face a firing squad in a small Central
>American country.
>
>The first one, a Packer fan, was placed against the wall and just
>before the order was given he yelled out, "Earthquake!" The firing
>squad fell into a panic and the Packer fan jumped over the wall and
>escaped in the confusion.
>
>The second person, a Bears fan, was placed against The wall. The
>squad was reassembled and the Bear fan pondered what he had just
>witnessed. Again before the order was given, the Bear fan yelled
>out, "Tornado!" Again the squad fell apart and the Bear fan slipped
over
>the wall.
>
>The last person, a Viking fan, was placed against the wall. He was
>thinking, "I see the pattern here, just scream out something about
> a disaster and hop over the wall." He confidently refused the
>blindfold as the firing squad was reassembled. As the rifles were
>raised in his direction he grinned from ear to ear and yelled,
>"Fire!"