Redneck etiquette (according to Norm)

[Art]

DATING (Outside the Family)
1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
2. Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall two years ago."
3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM; Others might say "Monday," If the latter is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.

 

[redn8]

RE: Redneck etiquette (according to Norm)

You think you are so smart! Well I'll have you know we don't date outside the Family!!!

 

[Art]

RE: Redneck etiquette (according to Norm)

PERSONAL HYGIENE
1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys.
2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days. However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.
3. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.

 

[redn8]

RE: Redneck etiquette (according to Norm)

I don't get it, that's just common sense.

 

[Art]

RE: Redneck etiquette (according to Norm)

DINING OUT
1. When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper cup, and pour slowly so as not to "bruise" the fruit of the vine.
2. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label.

 

[redn8]

RE: Redneck etiquette (according to Norm)

Dining out ???

 

[Art]

RE: Redneck etiquette (according to Norm)

ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME
1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.
2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table...no matter how good his manners are.

 

[scotty96lsc]

RE: Redneck etiquette (according to Norm)

And don't forget, a hunting trip is going to the front yard with Jim Beam, Jack Daniels, and Smith & Wesson.

 

[redn8]

RE: Redneck etiquette (according to Norm)

ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME
1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.
2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table...no matter how good his manners are.

No home, tornado got it.

 

[redn8]

RE: Redneck etiquette (according to Norm)

And don't forget, a hunting trip is going to the front yard with Jim Beam, Jack Daniels, and Smith & Wesson.

Is that the correct order?

 

[Marcia]

RE: Redneck etiquette (according to Norm)

Most important...remembering where the oldest vintage moonshine is buried...or any of the moonshine for that matter!!!

 

[redn8]

RE: Redneck etiquette (according to Norm)

Most important...remembering where the oldest vintage moonshine is buried...or any of the moonshine for that matter!!!

Mine never lasts long enough to bury. I think it evaporates or it could be the Wife.

 

[Art]

RE: Redneck etiquette (according to Norm)

THEATER ETIQUETTE
1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately after the movie has ended.
2. Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven they can't hear you.

 

[redn8]

RE: Redneck etiquette (according to Norm)

This thread has been enlightening!

I hate enlightening.

 

[DOHC MARK VIII]

RE: Redneck etiquette (according to Norm)

Jeez Norm, this post alone will put you over 300 posts
http://www.concentric.net/~Dfinley/images/shocked.jpg

** Bill **
1995 LSC-R'ed w/Recaro's and Cobra R's
Veteran of Carlisle 2000/01/02
[a href=//cardomain.com/member_pages/view_page.pl?page_id=258112]For Pic's and Mods click here[/a]

 

[redn8]

RE: Redneck etiquette (according to Norm)

No it will take me minutes to reach 300.

 

[Art]

RE: Redneck etiquette (according to Norm)

WEDDINGS
1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.
3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create a tacky appearance.
4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for this special occasion.

 

[redn8]

RE: Redneck etiquette (according to Norm)

Art that's touching, you saved your wedding invitations.

 

[Art]

RE: Redneck etiquette (according to Norm)

DRIVING ETIQUETTE
1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles; Even if the gun is loaded, and the deer is in sight.
2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way.
3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer.
5. Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when driving.
6. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.

 

[Art]

RE: Redneck etiquette (according to Norm)

TIPS FOR ALL OCCASIONS
1. Never take a beer to a job interview.
2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
3. It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
5. Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.