Jehovah Jira, the lord provides. We all know Jesus doesnt give loans.
Jamie, I dont know if what I have to say will help you in any way, but I will say it anyway. I have been through a lot of **** in my life. I have seen a lot of people who have been through even more than me. I have dealt with depression for the past 4 years. Depression or post tramadic stress disorder have filled my life. I guess that comes with combat and what we have to do to survive it. I know from experience that alcohol doesnt fix it. drugs cant fix it. The best thing that I know to do is find someone that will listen to you. When I got home the first time I didnt want to talk about a damn thing, but I see now that is exactly what I needed to do. Find someone you can confide in and TALK to them. It will help you. I felt "down" for quite some time. I have deployed 3 times in 3 years. I have seen and done things I never imagined, and wish I could forget.
I missed 1.5 years of my 3 year old and 6 months of my 1 year old. the first halfes of thier lives. But all I can do is keep a positive attitude and make the rest of thier lives possitive. If you are not happy, find a way to tell your wife, she needs to know. I am sure she knows already but tell her why your unhappy. Melissa knew ther was something wrong, but she assumed it was her, when it had nothing to do with her at all. Keep momma happy, and you keep the family happy.
I know your under stress to be the sole provider and everything like that, but I can almost guarantee she will back you in anything you do if you just talk about it.
It might be strange to hear this from a Marine, but I have learned to talk about my feelings and all the gaga fufu stuff. Surprisingly it helps. If you ever need anything, anything at all, please call me. If you dont have my number its 910-546-4054. Remember bro, we love you. I have too many friends who gave thier life so you can live your life. So live it to the fullest, you owe them that much, and thats all you owe them.
If its financial problems, there are lots of options. There are plenty of professionals out ther to give you advice on that. I can tell I am not one of them since I have my own financial problems. I am a compulsive buyer. However I have been doing better since I had kids. Now I have a reeason not to spend money once its in my pocket, i just need to start doing that.
Any way, give me a call if you want to. I am open 24/7